So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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