the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
