The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He felt like a one man threesome
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
