There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
