first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
