if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
