I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
