no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
