Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
