worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
