Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pants 0. Shit 1.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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