I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
