Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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