Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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