i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize