On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
