i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
