Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
