she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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