"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
