I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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