I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have post one night stand depression
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
