never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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