i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
