You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
