I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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