i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
