I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
