were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
