I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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