me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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