this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
