Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
