I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
