Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
