the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
