Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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