When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
