I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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