I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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