I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
