Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please come you make the beer taste better
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
