I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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