yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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