1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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