weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
