you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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