I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
