I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
