I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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