Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
