This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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