my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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