well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
