never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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