was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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