my mouth tastes like poor choices
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
