:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
