i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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