i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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