Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize