Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
