6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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