So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
