i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
