I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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