no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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